Post Holiday Depression (aka January)

January has got to be my least favorite month of the year. First of all it is cold and dreary and depressing. The snow that I loved until Christmas day is no longer adding to my festive mood, because after Christmas the festive mood is gone. I want to progress and do other things, get my house cleaned and restock healthy foods after eating so much crud all of December. The cold weather makes it hard to go out and face the outdoors and icy streets. I don't want to get out and exercise and get the little bit of sunlight there is and the fresh air I need. This gives me serious cabin fever. It makes it even harder when me and my children were sick so even if I want to go out, I know I shouldn't.

If cold and dreary weather was not enough there is the Post Holiday Depression. I have to deal with the fact that I no longer have anything to look forward to, until Valentines Day at least. No more fun Christmas Carols, no more pretty lights, no more parties and treats. At the same time you are left with the damage from all the parties and treats you just indulged in. So January depression sets in.

How do I get myself out? I decided first of all not to focus on my faults with my new years resolutions. It is always stuff like exercise more, eat less junk food, write in my journal more. Stuff I end up failing at. This just adds to my depresion next year when I read them and see how well I did or how poorly as the case usually is. This year I have decided to concentrate on others.

No, I don't mean I plan on concentrating on the problems of others or helping them with their resolutions. "Hows that book coming along?" or "Let me eat that ice cream for you so you can keep your resolution to lose weight. That is MY resolution!" Unless people actually want that. Somehow I doubt it.

I mean I want to be more of a blessing to other people. I want to be more thoughtful, less selfish. I want to be quicker to listen and slower to talk. I want to surprise my kids by not yelling at them when they think I am sure to or saying yes to reading or playing a game, even if I have loads of house work to do. I want to make sure Tim knows how interesting he is to me and that he is still my favorite person in the world. I want my friends to know that I think they are awesome and want to be there for them and be with them.

I want them to know this not because I typed it just now but because of my actions and words. When the weather is gray and life is tedious and depressing, a hug still feels warm. A smile still brings sunshine. An "I love you" or "Thank you" from my kids has got to be one of the best gifts I get all year round. Knowing that I made someone happier makes me feel so much better about my day. Even if I didn't mangage to get out of my house for the third day in a row.

Lucia Morning

I apologize for the long pause in my blogs...to those few loyal readers. On December 13th we celebrated St. Lucia Day for the second year in a row. This is a Swedish tradition we celebrate because although my parents were both born in the U.S. all 4 of my grandparents immigrated from Sweden when they were young adults and met and married in the states . On Sancta Lucia Day the oldest daughter dresses in a white gown, red sash and a crown of candles (ours were battery operated) and lingonberry leaves(ours were plastic). She brings Lussekater buns (we just used cinnamon rolls), pepperkauker (ginger snaps) and drink to those in the house early in the morning. There is a legend about Sancta Lucia who brought food to the starving and it celebrates that the days will soon start to grow longer instead of shorter...a celebration of light.
We added a few special touches of our own. We decided to make it the day we put lights on our christmas tree and decorate it. It helped celebrate the light theme even more. Lastly we tried this special drink that is part of the tradition...Glogg. I wasn't terribly impressed. Tim said it tasted like grape juice. with a kick. I disagreed. I like grape juice.
Elisabeth loves being our Santa Lucia and she makes a beautiful Saint.

I'm Cooking!

Sam has always shown an interest in cooking. When Joe was about his age, he got into books, he is now a geat reader and loves to do it. Elisabeth just talked, she was never into digging into stuff. Lincoln, loved to dig into my make up and Elisabeth's shoes. We will see where that takes him. Sam digs into dishes. First he was pulling out all of our plastic food containers which drove me nuts because it was always a mess. Then he started digging in the pots and pans (which is nice because we have less of those. His most recent habbit is to pull out our biggest cooking pot first thing, climb in and sit in it. It is like clock work. He does this every day while I am making dinner. We are trying to decide if he is saying, "I'll make dinner" or "When you find out what I just did, I am going to be in so much trouble", "I am so cute you could eat me up or perhaps it's "I am ready to be potty trained!"

Child abuse and Neglect Class

I am currently taking a class in Child abuse and neglect and Domestic violence. Very interesting class. Very sad too. My husband is taking art classes. He gets to come home and create works of art. I get to come home disgusted and disturbed much of the time. I do find it very interesting, as a future counselor and as a current mother, to see how abuse and neglect are defined, why it happens, and how it is treated. It makes me look more closely at how I treat my kids. I may not meet the actual standards for neglect or emotional maltreatment, but I can't be making my minimum my maximum. Just because I am not considered abusive or neglectful by the state does not make me a good parent.

Since I have started this class I find myself asking questions like: Am I patient enough with them? Do they know they are important to me? Do they feel loved and liked by me? Do I yell at them too much? I am also constantly wondering if too many weak moments make me neglectful. If I don't give them a bath twice this week, am I being neglectful? Is my house clean enough? Do I feed them adequatly? If I am not constantly following my 18-month old around the house and he gets bumps and scrapes because I am not there with him to catch him every time he falls....am I being negligent?

Two comforting things I have learned are that I really don't have much to fear. I am doing just fine according to their standards (and more importantly mine). Knowing the system is pretty comforting too. They are not watching our every move just waiting to snatch our children away at the first sign of abuse or neglect. The most helpful thing this class teaches me is just to be constantly be thinking of my childrens welfare. I feel like I am thinking more about my parenting. I am trying to be slower to act and speak in anger and quicker to give attention and hugs. I am not a perfect parent by any stretch but I can always improve. I think I have found this class as impactful in my parenting skills as my parenting class was.

Joseph Stanley on the Sattelite of Love

I am a big fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The only person who I can say likes it more than me is my son Joseph. I think he watches an episode a day on average. Many more if I would let him. He knows everything there is to know about the show. He is obsessed with every thing there is to know about Tom, Crow, Mike, Joel and TV's Frank. On one hand he makes me proud and pleased that my son shares my sense of humor. On the other hand, I hear so much about the show on a daily basis, I can't keep up with his enthusiasm.
I find it ironic that we both warmed up to the show after much resistance. I would watch the adds for it when I was 19, thinking "That looks SO DUMB! I know I would hate it." One time it was on after another show and the tv just never got turned off. It took less than 10 minutes for me to be converted and I was recording ever episode I saw. Many years later, when I watched it as a mom, Joseph would run screaming in the opposite direction every time. so I stopped watching them except for special occasions. It was one of these special occasions that Joe fianlly was able to watch it in a way that didn't scare him. He has been converted, ever since.
Joe's greatest regret is that the show is not still on the air. His goal is that if the show hasn't returned by the time he is an adult, he will bring it back himself. I am behind him 100%.
Hit the button Frank!

Elisabeth is 6!

September 23rd was Elisabeth's 6th birthday. She is growing up which I have mixed feelings about. I started the day by
giving her a manicure and pedicure. Tim made Strawberry Pancakes and I took her to get a haircut which is totally adorable on her. I kept it a surprise until we walked into the salon and the smile on her face when she realized what we were going to do was worth the wait. She jumped up and down and everything. She is always jealous when we take her brothers to get a haircut but not her. When the stylist asked if she wanted about the same length or to go shorter, Elisabeth exclaimed without hesitation..."Shorter!" I got my hair cut too at the same time so it could be a mommy-daughter outing.
We didn't plan on throwing a big party this year but her friend had her own party on Elisabeth's birthday. She got to do all the fun party stuff, hang out with her friends, AND we didn't have to put on the party. Kind of nice. But, I feel like a slacker mom and feel guilty about it somehow. After the party she opened all of her presents. She recieved some money from her Grandma Judy and she went to the store to spend some of it.
We took her to Fuddruckers for dinner but they didn't have her favorite dish anymore (Mac and Cheese) and they brought her birthday sunday before they brought the dinner. They didn't sing "Happy Birthday" to her either. Kind of dispapointing, but she was a good sport about it all. This is one of the many reasons we love her. We came home and had cake and ice cream.

School rituals

On Joseph's (my first child) first day of school 3 years ago, we started the tradition of sitting down after school and letting him show me everything he brought home from school. Joe would always hold the bag in his hands and pull each page out,showing and explaining them to me, one at a time. He has had a a lot of fun surprising me with fun things like his book order deliveries and school photos. He often amazed me with his ability to keep the secret from me until it was time for the unveiling.
This year my daughter began kindergarten. I have been anticipating this a long time. Before we had lunch after her first day, I insisted we look at what she brought home from school. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't what happened next. She pulled all of the papers out of the bag at once and plopped them on the table. "Here they are mom." I was thrown for a second trying to figure out what was different in this picture. Why was I thinking something was missing? I then realized that my two kids who seemed similar in many ways, each had their own little style of playing out this simple little daily ritual. Maybe, she was always annoyed with the way Joe made us wait. Perhaps food is a higher priority to her than my attention. Whatever it is, it represents how each of my kids make my life interesting, by being unique from eachother.

Wisdom of Wiz

Here is an amusing quote by my 5 year old daughter. We were reading the book "Call it Courage" We were reading the part when he is in his canoe in the ocean and very thirsty. I asked my kids, "So..if he is so thirsty, why doesn't he just drink the ocean water? He is surrounded by it." Joe said "Because it is unhealthy, it will make you sick" I asked "Why is that?" Elisabeth answers "Because of all the sea monster pee that's in it"

What I did on my Summer Vacation

We had two trips this summer. The first was to St. George to visit Tim's Grandpa Nix. Tim's mom was helping to take care of him while his wife was on a trip so we were able to visit her while we were there too. We had fun in Zion National Park one day we were there. The other excitement was Tim wearing shorts, t-shirt and tennis shoes to Sacrament meeting (we didn't think we were going to church so we didn't pack for it). Lincoln ended up yelling "HUZAH!" in the middle of a talk and yelling "MOMMY!" across the room another time. Thank goodness it wasn't our ward at least, but poor Grandpa. He has to go back to these people every week. It was fun visiting with them.

Our other vacation was to Laughlin Nevada for a Nix Family Reunion. We spent half a day and a night in Las Vegas on the way. While in Vegas we ate at In-n-Out Burger which is always a treat. Even more exiting than that however was riding the Star Trek Experience. We went on both rides. We did the parent swap where I went with Elisabeth and Tim went with Joe. If you ever do the parent swap with your children on this ride, go on both rides and let the other parent wait outside of the attraction. Trade after you are all done or you will end up waiting in line the whole time with restless kids. You are stuck there. The rides were pretty fun though.

The next day we went to Laughlin Nevada and joined the reuinion already in progress. We stayed at the Edgewater Hotel Casino. While we were there we had a lot of good opportunities to catch up with aunts, uncles and cousins, nephews and neices. We also had my whole husband's family together except unfortunatly Amber's husband Sandi.

It was fun to have a lot of other Mommies with strollers. When we went to see "Cars" I knew I would be in the hallway in no time but I knew I wouldn't be alone. I wasn't Spencer and Samuel are the same age and 1 year olds and movie theaters do not mix. Mom's of small kids have a different experience on vacations and I knew I was in good company.

The highlights of the trip were the Apples to Apples midnight game and our trip to Oatman Arizona. This ghost town is named after Olive Oatman, someone in Tim's geneology. Neat story. We also went to Casino College that was interesting and fun. Now I know what I am seeing when I watch James Bond movies. Hopefully noone becomes addicted to gambling now that we know how to play the game.

Post Vacation Blues

Here it is, the Monday after all the vacations of the summer are over and after the highlight of my son's baptism. (I will talk about what we did on a different blog.
I have mixed feelings right now. I have post vacation blues. I feel very relieved it is all over, since family vacations are never vacations for Mom really. Especially things like family reunions can be hard. You end up doing things you would never do on your own just because you don't want to be a spoil sport. It turns out being fun, but a lot of work.

I also feel sadness and emptiness because the things I have been looking forward to are now over. They have kept me going for a while now. Now I am just at home, the highlight of my day is that if I work hard, I can get my house in order again. Not as exciting as a road trip and a family reuinion, but a lot less stress.

The summer is coming to an end. That means my favorite season and favorite Holidays are around the corner so now I have new things to look forward to.