Holidays according to Jim Gaffigan

Happy 4th of July all! Enjoy the burger, brat AND steak on the same day. "It's what the founding fathers would want!"

A New Kind of Motivational Poster

My husband showed me this and I thought it was hilarious.

Psychology Today

This is just too funny not to share. Perhaps a bit disrespectful to those who are dealing with mental illness however. If I offend anyone I apologize ahead of time.

License to Kill and Authority to Call You as Nursery Leader (updated)

I love our ward. Everyone is very friendly, outgoing and the leadership is really on the ball. Our bishop is great and an inspired leader and it doesn't hurt that he looks like Daniel Craig (James Bond) either. I say that people look like other people quite frequently but even Tim agrees. He says he looks like a less worldly version of him. He sits up front with the brooding bishop look that looks an awful lot like Daniel Craig's famous pucker. Having a bishop that looks like James Bond makes for a lot of fun. We joke about being in the 007th ward and that the Relief Society president is "Sister Moneypenny".

Tim loves to humor me and teases me incessently about it. A few weeks ago the Bishop spoke in Primary when we were substitute teaching. First Tim points out that the Bishop has a scratch under his eye.

"Look Kristin, he's been in a fight!" Then the bishop proceeds to tell a story about when he was recently in Korea (he was in Sweden last week) . He was driving along the freeway and noticed a mother duck and her ducklings following her, walking along the highway. He spoke of how important it is to stay away from danger and not cross any lines. Tim exclaimed,

"Impresive that he could notice something like that while he was fighting the driver for control of the wheel."

Today bishop, tomorrow who knows what. We may someday have a general authority who can kick your butt or take it to church.

(The general authority picture is obviously photo shop with a picture of Daniel Craig, but so is the other one in case you were wondering. I would love to get a real picture but it would be kind of awkward to ask for one. I should volunteer to make a ward photo directory, start with the bishopric and then just give up. )

Aiming to Please

Tim was showing me yesterday how I can learn all kinds of cool things about the people who are looking at my blogs. Like how they came across it, what they were looking for and where they live.

Apparently someone Googled "Jameson Parker" and "shirtless" and found my blog. This is because I mentioned Jameson Parker as one of my endless list of crushes through my lifetime (hey, I was 10 ok!), and then the next blog talked about my toddler being shirtless. I am guessing the person who checked my blog was quite disappointed. But NO LONGER! I aim to please with my blog so here you go! If you want to find a picture of Jameson Parker shirtless, "Uff Dah!" is where to be! Happy Easter IP Address12.4.225.25 in West Virginia!!!!!!!

"Trapped in the Drive-thru"

I recently posted one of my favorite Weird Al music videos, "White and Nerdy" but I have another more recent favorite song I want to share. It is the official video but not made by Weird Al. The song captures so well for me the tedium of the "drive-thru" experience. Although he doesn't address the shame and self loathing and disgust that comes with such a choice, somehow it comes through. It is a little long but I laugh the whole way through. Enjoy!

Why Wal-mart is like life.

1. You have a greeter welcome you when you get there....You have parents when you enter the world. Neither is always as friendly as you think they should be.

2. When you go to Walmart there is nothing at the store that will actually make you happy. There is plenty to entertain you for a short time but nothing that will bring you lasting joy. The world is the same way. Sure we will find some fun stuff here but the only things that will bring true joy, the world can't offer. You have to find those elswhere. Only the things you come in with or have left at home give you that.

3. You need to go the store to survive. You need food, clothes, shelter and TP, so you need to do it even though it is a miserable expereince and it is frustrating to spend money on stuff that just gets consumed. There is pain and sorrow and the world is a dangerous place . If you make the wrong choices you can get messed up but we had to come to progress.

4. It is easy to get distracted by the funner less important and healthy things. Good idea to go with a list. In life, we are here to grow, be tested and bless one another. It isn't always as fun as some of the stuff the world suggests but you'll regret it if you get sidetracked and forget why you are here. The list is the gospel or the scriptures. They remind us what we came for. In both cases, of course a little fun is ok...in moderation...as long as you aren't sacrificing the more important stuff.

5. Our abiltiy to have good relationships is tested....A lot. The point is NOT to kill your kids. You are tired, your husband is tired, your hungry, you all want to kill eachother, not to mention some of the other wonderful customers that can be so rude at times and the unavailable or worse grumpy workers. We need to learn in this life to be kind to one another even when we are stressed.

6. We learn from experience lots of things, like what product is good and what is not, and" Sure that ice cream looks really good but it isn't good for me and I will regret it." "I think that buying something will fill a void for me cause I am feeling depressed, but later I will regret it and it wont really bring me satisfaction." We keep buying the stuff in our weak moments though....hmmm maybe when I am perfect I will be able to resist the Ben and Jerrys.

7. You learn these lessons and you teach them to your kids when they are begging for things that aren't good for them. It is our responsibility to teach our kids from our experience what things will bring happiness in this life and how to make good choices.


8. When I go to Walmart now, I always bring my cell phone. If Tim came with me it is easier to find him later. If he didn't I can ask questions about things we might have at home already . In life it is a good idea to stay in close touch with those you love so they can help you make good choices and guide you. They can help give you support when you are having a tough time too.

9. Your kids can get lost...Keep an eye on them! Don't send them out with out them knowing the way to get back. Teach them to be safe. We have to teach them the gospel so when they can't be watched constantly they know how to get home to our Heavenly Father on their own.

10. You die a little every time you go to Walmart....just like in life.

Kids!

So many things my kids do and say crack me up. They get away with and struggle with things that grown-ups just don't.

When was the last time you were at a family gathering with all adults and one of them just falls off their chair in the middle of a conversation (assuming no one is drunk)?

When was the last time you saw a grown up stand up on a pew, looking back at the congregation and drinking a cup of milk. Or lying on the floor rolling under the pews?

When is the last time you hit your head on a door knob because you bumped into it as you walked out of your room?

As an adult you cant scream and cry at Walmart because things aren't going your way. Believe me...if it were acceptable I would scream and cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I am there. I envy my kids that they can express their frustrations more openly, while I just have to bottle them up inside and die just a little every time I am there.

My husband was holding our sleeping baby in Priesthood and the elder next to him said "remember when you could get away with that in church?" Then my son passed gas at that very moment. My husband replied "Remember when you could get away with THAT in church?"
In some ways, kids really do have the easy life.