As a mother, I guess I should say a lazy mother, I often find myself saying no to appearently small requests from my children. This is because I know that what seems like a small thing can amount to much more than they even know they are asking.
Let me give you an example from this morning. I was reading this morning as my 5 and 2 year old were finishing up their breakfast. My 5 year old asks if he can have some milk. My first thought is "Noooo, I just got up and sat down again...". But I think about it and realize "Why not? He can even get his own cup and pour it, I don't even have to get off my lazy butt and put down my book" , so I say yes. . He gets out the milk, and the cup. I am pleased to see the milk jug is almost empty so there is very little chance of him spilling. He pours the milk with no incident and even throws away the jug.
Sam of course sees the whole thing and guess what, he wants milk too. Unfortunatly, the milk that was in the house is now empty. I have to not only get up now, but must now go out to the garage and get a new jug from the other fridge, get him a cup and pour it 'cause there is no way I am letting my 2 year old or even my 5 year old pour himself a cup of milk from a brand new, full to the brim milk jug. I then sit down to continue my book. Two minutes later Lincoln says "Uh oh, Sammy made a mess with his milk" He had spilled it all over the table.
So next time my 5 year old asks for milk, I need to think twice. "Can I have milk?" does not mean, "Can I get my self some milk and you can continue on with what your doing", it means
1. CanI get some milk, I wont spill it and will even throw away the empty container?
2. Can Sam have some milk too?
3. Can you go out to the garage refrigerator to get it?
4. Can you clean it all up when he spills it?
Granted, my kids need milk and I will get it for them anyway as I did, that is my job as a Mom and I love my kids and want to take care of them, most of the time anyway. I am not always this lazy and selfish I promise, but I have my moments like today. This is just an example of this sort of phenomenon. So when you see a mom refuse their sweet child what seems a simple and easy enough request. Don't judge her too harshly. They may be saying no to so much more. Some people see a glass as half empty, some as half full, I see it as aboout to be spilled.
7 comments:
I never really thought of it this way, but it makes perfect sense to me. I don't usually say no, either...and that makes it even harder to not get upset when the kids just don't even bother to ask me before helping themselves to something, making a huge mess in the process. My kids will be the ones who drink from sippy cups until they're 10.
Huh. I say no all the time.
Thanks for validating my laziness Lis. I was feeling like a slacker reading what I had written. You have such a "no apologies" attitude and I love it. Have you ever read "Confessions of a Slacker Mom"? I think you would love it.
I TOTALLY see the milk about to be spilled. Amen! Kaes asked for a drink when she got home from school just now and I told her she had to find her sippy cup (yes, she's 5 and perfectly able to drink out of a normal cup. However, normal cups are only cups about to be spilled). This is now my first response before we even get to yeses or nos. I found I was saying yes to her before and then spending the next half hour looking for her cup while she sat around doing whatever five year olds do. That was taking way too much time away from whatever book I might be reading, so now she does the finding first, then I can take the thirty seconds to pour the drink.
This is so true!! It's never one thing you are saying no to, it is so much more.
Too true! Your analysis is perfect. I often wonder if I'm being lazy for refusing certain things my children demand, but now it makes sense. They aren't just wanting one thing, but a series of things that will set in motion an inevitable spilled glass. Thanks! You should write a book, "The Glass Not Spilled."
I believe it is important for children to know that we have rights too. Like the right to go to the bathroom without someone knocking on the door and the right to finish enjoying a special treat before serving one to the child who caught you sneaking it. You know?
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