After only two doses of antibiotics, I can already sing their praises. 5.My kitchen is clean again! Tim and the kids did their best but there is a level of clean that only I can (or chose to) reach. Tim is great at cooking when I am sick but isn't quite as excited about the cleaning side. He motivates kids to do it, but you know. . .kids. 4. I can see my bedroom floor again! I finally have picked up on actually folding the clean clothes again and putting them away instead of putting the baskets in our bedroom and sometimes pored them on the floor to find stuff or get more clean clothes 3. I have my libido back! Already too much info. 2.My headaches aren't quite so bad anymore. . .they aren't gone yet! 1. I can breathe through my nose!!!!!! Sometimes. Which is better than never. Last night I was taking all these deep breaths, through my nose and it was glorious!
I suppose that by writing a blog like the one I wrote last October, I pretty much cursed myself to the blog I am writing today. YES! Last October I DID have a cold. That is why I didn't think antibiotics were necessary. Today and the two previous days, I have had a Sinus Infection. It sounds so sinister, BECAUSE IT IS!!! What I had last October WAS misery. What I have now is more like torture. When coughing makes you want to cry, because it makes your head hurt so bad, when getting out of bed and moving your head a quarter inch makes you want to cry, that is a Sinus Infection.
I have never had a sinus infection before. Why did it have to start on a Friday afternoon? It wasn't until Saturday morning I realized what exactly I was dealing with. Do I go to Urgent care today and pay $30 for a visit when I know if I call my doctor tomorrow morning she will call me in an antibiotic prescription without even a visit (she just saw me on Wednesday and said she would call in something if I ended up needing it). On the one hand it will just go to my cafeteria plan, AND I could start my cure earlier, on the other hand it is another doctor appointment. I have Advil and Zyrtec-D so I don't always feel this bad, I can probably survive another day. But should I?
Elisabeth learned how to ride her bike today! She practiced a little last summer and then decided to try it again yesterday. One more day of practicing and she has got it! She is SO excited. We had told her we would consider getting her a scooter only after she had learned to ride her bike but today she said she doesn't want one because bike riding is so much fun.
Lincoln had his birthday on Thursday. He enjoyed the candy his Grandma and Grampa sent and was excited to wear the outfit they gave him to school that day. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa! He thinks his Zoingo Boingo is tons of fun but I think he is intimidated by it. Everyone else is enjoying it too though along with the games he got. Lincoln gives a great return for his gifts. His reaction is always SO FUN to watch. "OH YES!!!" So fun to see! He is so animated.
Here is my Residential State of the Kitchen address:
NOT GOOD! Tim once described a similar mess as looking like something out of a Disney Cartoon. I have to agree. I have been sick for the past 5 days so what do you expect? I promise I did the dishes two days ago.
What. . .you want me to work miracles? These things take time. Something like the economy right now wouldn't you say? I propose a Kitchen Bail out package! This would consist of 4 small children and/or one husband that will come in and do the work for me. One of them will come through for me right? For the right price? I think of it as stimulating the economy! Nice?
In all honesty I don't think I can wait that much longer. I need to clean this up before DCFS shows up at my door! I promise it was all done with photo shop! That will be my story . . . if any of you are thinking of sending them my way. . .
That is what they should rename the Career Prep for Behavior Science Majors class that I am taking. The class has no tests, and no reading homework, but it is the most mentally and emotionally exhausting class I have taken so far at UVU. It has been at least three times now that I have come home needing to be seriously comforted and cheered up by Tim. This is so incredibly humbling. I took the class because I knew I needed to learn these things. The whole getting into graduate school and finding a job was so mysterious, scary and intimidating. I was pretty sure I was poorly prepared. This class has taught me a valuable thing. I was right! I AM poorly prepared. I should be intimidated, VERY intimidated!!!
I just took a practice GRE practice test online today (one of the assignments for the class) and looking at the questions. . . mostly the math ones, all I could do was laugh (or cry). I never planned on taking the GRE without a class first. Thankfully U of U's MSW doesn't even ask for it if your GPA is good enough so I didn't have to take it for that.
It was no revelation to see how hard it was, but still, I don't enjoy being reminded how little I know. Especially when my house is as trashed as it is after being sick for 5 days straight. I needed one more reason to feel like crap today. Don't we all?
Last week we talked about applying for graduate schools. I learned all the things I should have done before I sent my application off that morning. On the bright side of things I did learn one thing that made me smile.The teacher handed out a timeline to follow for filling out your application etc. It said it should take 4 months to do what I just did in 3 weeks. No wonder I almost had about 15 nervous breakdowns in the process!
Tomorrow in class we will be discussing the things they are judging me on when they look at my application. Considering today was the deadline for turning in applications for the program I applied to it seems very appropriate. I hope Tim is ready to be giving me some serious cheering up. Having kids in bed before I get home (at 7pm) wouldn't be a bad idea.
This evening I was feeling stressed about grad school again when Sam's face came to my mind. I remembered how I thought it would be great if we had 2 boys and 2 girls. I thought that would be the perfect family. God had a better idea. He gave us Sam. I couldn't love another child more than I do Sam. He made our family perfect. We have been in no way cheated.
I remember when Tim was applying for a job in Kansas city. I thought "Wouldn't it be great if Tim got this job?" I was very stressed about him NOT getting the job because Tim hated his present job so much. God had a better idea. He gave him the job he had applied for a year earlier, the one he wanted the most. It took a few more months but it was worth the wait. We have been in no way cheated.
I remember having a horrible crush on a guy in high school. I remember thinking "Wouldn't it be great if he liked me and we got married some day? God had a better idea. He gave me Tim. I still know this other person and am glad to call him a friend, but he doesn't have half as much in common with me as Tim does. Tim is my dream come true. It took a few more years but it was worth the wait. I have been in no way cheated.
Right now I am thinking, "Wouldn't it be great if I get into graduate school?" I am getting all stressed about the idea that I might not. I need to have faith that if I don't get in, it is because I am supposed to do something else. This stressful application experience is helping me in some way, even if I don't know what it is. Maybe I will learn the thing I need to work on before the next time I apply. Maybe I am supposed to attend a different Social Work program. I need to have faith that if I don't get in to grad school this year, I am not being cheated. God has a better idea and it will be worth the wait.
So....presently I am engaged in the ever exciting and ever humbling experience of applying for grad school. Two weeks ago I had no idea I would be doing this right now. I have always been planning on doing this eventually, but thought it would another year or so, when Sam was in school at least half a day. Then Tim heard about a distance education MSW program that is being offered by U of U in which I can go to classes at UVU on Friday nights and Saturdays. This makes it possible now. In two weeks all my stress will be over. This program was just made available to UVU students a couple of weeks ago. The deadline has been extended to March 16th so that we would have a chance to apply. For three weeks my life has been and will be an emotional and mental roller coaster.
Although I already have my Bachelors in Science I have been a stay at home Mom with no real "work experience" for the last 8 years. I don't think I am as qualified as most applicants will be but why not at least give it a try? I have been taking classes for the last 3 1/2 years for this very reason. If nothing else this would be a good experience to see what applying for graduate school is all about. I can see where I might be lacking and know what to work on before I apply again. No lose situation right?
The most humbling part of this process for me has been asking for letters of recommendation. It says in the application "References should not be relatives, personal friends or religious leaders. One of the references should be your immediate, current supervisor. " My supervisor? But I can't ask family!!! Otherwise I am sure I can get my kids to write me a raving review. . .but maybe I am better off not. "She works us like slaves and doesn't give us enough Captain Crunch!"
I have been filling a lot of callings which have given me valuable volunteer experience but I can't ask religious leaders either. In these humbling moments there has to be some positive self talk. I have to believe in some small way that I could possibly get in! Otherwise, asking people to write letters of recommendation for me is a waste of my stress and their time and efforts. I have some teachers that know me. Some better than others. I have a Scout Committee chair person that supervised me. She isn't exactly a religious leader because Boy Scouts of America is a volunteer organization in and out of the church. Then I start looking at my experience and think, that maybe I do have plenty of qualifications, they would be wise to choose me. I actually start thinking about myself as someone who could get into graduate school on my own accord. Then I start thinking. . Wouldn't it be awesome if I was accepted? These are my cockier manic moments of my day.
Then I start thinking about who I am competing with: People with all kinds of work experience, who know that they would be excellent candidates and who have supervisors who can testify to the fact. These are the moments when I ask. . .Why am I applying for graduate school again? I will never get in.This is when I have to remind myself that I knew this from the beginning. This is a learning experience. No lose, remember? I gear myself up to face the difficult tasks again, and the cycle begins once more.
As I was talking to Tim about my emotional roller coaster, it occurred to me that I have had this experience put before me for a reason. I feel like it is something I should do. Whether or not I get in, I will gain something from the experience. If I get in it will be because I am supposed to, and by the grace of God. I shouldn't get cocky thinking "Sure I have all it takes, I can get in! Nor should I get depressed thinking that I am so unqualified, so why even try?" Neither is completely true and in the end it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I go through the effort and that I try my best. I really can't control anything past that point so why stress about it?
This sounds kind of familiar doesn't it? To be successful in this life and to return to my Heavenly Father, I am not supposed to think I can reach perfection on my own. Nor should I get depressed over the fact I am not perfect. To think either way is to show a lack of faith. I am asked to do my best and leave the rest up to the Lord. As long as I am doing all I can to succeed and be obedient, he will make sure that I reach my full potential.