Applying Myself

So....presently I am engaged in the ever exciting and ever humbling experience of applying for grad school. Two weeks ago I had no idea I would be doing this right now. I have always been planning on doing this eventually, but thought it would another year or so, when Sam was in school at least half a day. Then Tim heard about a distance education MSW program that is being offered by U of U in which I can go to classes at UVU on Friday nights and Saturdays. This makes it possible now. In two weeks all my stress will be over. This program was just made available to UVU students a couple of weeks ago. The deadline has been extended to March 16th so that we would have a chance to apply. For three weeks my life has been and will be an emotional and mental roller coaster.

Although I already have my Bachelors in Science I have been a stay at home Mom with no real "work experience" for the last 8 years. I don't think I am as qualified as most applicants will be but why not at least give it a try? I have been taking classes for the last 3 1/2 years for this very reason. If nothing else this would be a good experience to see what applying for graduate school is all about. I can see where I might be lacking and know what to work on before I apply again. No lose situation right?

The most humbling part of this process for me has been asking for letters of recommendation. It says in the application
"References should not be relatives, personal friends or religious leaders. One of the references should be your immediate, current supervisor. "
My supervisor? But I can't ask family!!! Otherwise I am sure I can get my kids to write me a raving review. . .but maybe I am better off not. "She works us like slaves and doesn't give us enough Captain Crunch!"

I have been filling a lot of callings which have given me valuable volunteer experience but I can't ask religious leaders either. In these humbling moments there has to be some positive self talk. I have to believe in some small way that I could possibly get in! Otherwise, asking people to write letters of recommendation for me is a waste of my stress and their time and efforts. I have some teachers that know me. Some better than others. I have a Scout Committee chair person that supervised me. She isn't exactly a religious leader because Boy Scouts of America is a volunteer organization in and out of the church. Then I start looking at my experience and think, that maybe I do have plenty of qualifications, they would be wise to choose me. I actually start thinking about myself as someone who could get into graduate school on my own accord. Then I start thinking. . Wouldn't it be awesome if I was accepted? These are my cockier manic moments of my day.

Then I start thinking about who I am competing with: People with all kinds of work experience, who know that they would be excellent candidates and who have supervisors who can testify to the fact. These are the moments when I ask. . .Why am I applying for graduate school again? I will never get in.This is when I have to remind myself that I knew this from the beginning. This is a learning experience. No lose, remember? I gear myself up to face the difficult tasks again, and the cycle begins once more.

As I was talking to Tim about my emotional roller coaster, it occurred to me that I have had this experience put before me for a reason. I feel like it is something I should do. Whether or not I get in, I will gain something from the experience. If I get in it will be because I am supposed to, and by the grace of God. I shouldn't get cocky thinking "Sure I have all it takes, I can get in! Nor should I get depressed thinking that I am so unqualified, so why even try?" Neither is completely true and in the end it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I go through the effort and that I try my best. I really can't control anything past that point so why stress about it?

This sounds kind of familiar doesn't it? To be successful in this life and to return to my Heavenly Father, I am not supposed to think I can reach perfection on my own. Nor should I get depressed over the fact I am not perfect. To think either way is to show a lack of faith.
I am asked to do my best and leave the rest up to the Lord. As long as I am doing all I can to succeed and be obedient, he will make sure that I reach my full potential.

This really is an educational experience!