It'll pass, and no doubt more quickly than it should.

I am having one of those days. You know. . .where I cannot force myself to touch the dishes piled in my sink, or laundry piled in their hampers. I just feel unmotivated, fried and overwhelmed. No really good reason. I don't feel sad, just unproductive. I feel like there is no way I can do all that I should today so why even try. Ever have one of those days?

What is annoying about it is, I know how I can make myself feel better. I could be playing with my kids instead of letting them watch PBS all afternoon, I could be tackling those clothes and dishes and I would probably feel better within minutes. Instead I do the things that do nothing to improve my state of mind. Stare at the computer checking e-mails repeatedly, checking blogs repeatedly, eating food even though I am not hungry and playing daytime TV. Laying awake on a couch when I am not tired but gosh darn it. I KNOW I need a nap!

I am feeling like a failure because, today...really I am. And I am refusing to do anything to fix the situation. . . Today. The good thing is we all have these days and tomorrow will probably be better. The fact it will be Friday and the beginning of a 3 day weekend wont hurt either.

I love what Mr. Bennett says about his despair at one point in "Pride and Prejudice" I say the same for myself.
"I am heartily ashamed of myself. . . But don't despair; it'll pass, and no doubt more quickly than it should. "

Glowing Parenting Moments

I know I complain a lot about my kids on this blog. I had to share something Lincoln did yesterday that just melted my heart. My kids often do sweet wonderful things that make me proud to be there mom. Sometimes he can be such a sweetheart. We had just pulled up to Costco and Sam was asleep. I put him in the cart, and then Lincoln said he wanted to ride in the cart too (YES! That makes my trip SOOO much easier when he does that.) I of course willingly put him in and said...
"Well that is good because Sam needs someone to lean on while he sleeps." Lincoln responded, "He can lean on me" and put his arm around him and gave him a hug. I had to get a picture.He also makes me proud because he started Kindergarten yesterday. He did great and had no problem being left. After two days he says he loves school. Yay! I wish I knew that would last for the next 12 years but so far so good with Joe and Wiz so who knows.

I've been tagged

Heidi tagged me on her blog so here are my answers and the rules: Answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four other people. I am going to tag Lis, Heather, Rebekah and Amber. Have fun!

1. Where is your cell phone? In my pocket

2. Your significant other? Perfection

3. Your hair? shaggy

4. Your mother? Missed

5. Your father? Missed

6. Your favorite thing? Family

7. Your dream last night? Forgotten

8. Your favorite drink? Grapejuice

9. Your dream/goal? Counselor

10. The room you’re in? Computer room

11. Your hobby? Running

12. Your fear? Illness

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? BYU

14. What you’re not? Competitive

15. Muffins? Lemon poppy seed

16. One of your wish list items? running shoes

17. Where you grew up? Germany

18. The last thing you did? Read

19. What are you wearing? capris

20. Favorite gadget? cellphone

21. Your pets? cats

22. Your computer? better

23. Your mood? stressed

24. Missing someone? Parents

25. Your car? Minivan

26. Something you’re not wearing? Socks

27. Favorite store? IKEA

28. Like someone? many

29. Your favorite color? Aqua

30. When is the last time you laughed? kids

31. Last time you cried? Olympics

Posted by Heidi at 9:49 AM 0 comments

"The Rest of the Story"

While in the first area of my mission, with my trainer, I had a hard time with my timidness and lack of faith. I remember one day in particular that I really frustrated my dear trainer with it and I spent the whole day deep in thought while tracting on and off. I realized I couldn't stay like this and have an effective mission. I decided if I wanted to be a better person I needed to keep that ideal version of me in my mind. When I hit a tough situation, I would think of that person, and think of what that person would do and just do it, whether or not I wanted to. This way of thinking has helped me a lot during the years.

The next summer, still on my mission I was taking a moment to eat my lunch in our apartment and was reading a "Church News" article that was magnetized on the refrigerator door. It had been there since before I moved into the area so I figured there must be something worth reading on it. Among other things, there was one of those articles on the back page where they pick a topic and readers send in their experiences and insights on the subject. I noticed someone's response that basically restated the same philosophy that I had realized myself earlier in my mission. I remember thinking "Wow. someone who thinks like I do is out there." It gave me quite a bit of comfort. I payed no attention to who wrote it as it was noone I knew.

A year later, off my mission and attending BYU, I found this article again. This time the name of the contributor stood out at me. It was the name of the person's whose missionary scrapbook I was looking at. The name of the person who I was becoming quite fond of. "Elder Tim Stanley-Riverside Mission".

And I was right, he DOES think a lot like me.
.

Lessons from Running

This last week has been intersting workout wise. I usually run on the treadmill at the Rec-center every day. I was getting really good at it. The last day I did it I broke my own record and ran 30 minutes straight. I was so proud of myself. I didn't think I had it in me. Then the Rec-center closed for two weeks for their annual cleaning and fixing session. So we moved our workouts to the track outside.

Boy was I disapointed when I could not get anywhere near 30 minutes. I have since read that if you want to get the actual running experience on a treadmill, you need to make it incline just a bit. I felt dispair...had I wasted all this time? I sure felt like it. I now had to restart building up to 30 minutes again. I wonder how often I feel like I have not progressed and I am starting all over again when I am actually not. I am running further on the track then I would have if I hadn't been training on the treadmill all this time..incline or not. It may seem like I am dealing with the same trials...some struggles when this time I am stronger and this is a tougher trial but I don't give myself credit for that.

I was telling Tim I like running because I can see progress, I can feel it getting easier and I can go longer. Housework doesn't feel like that. It feels like I am going in circles doing the same thing again and again...with no end. When I am running around a track it isn't very fun either, and it feels like I am running in circles. . .because I am. If I focus on the moment it is a monatanous task, uncomfortable, and difficult. If I look back I can't even see how far I have gone or how much further I have to go, because the track never starts or stops. I am able to keep going because I focus on the long term results.

Perhaps if I could focus on the long term results of having a home that is clean and beautiful, that functions well and that my family is happy to be in...that is strenthening me and my family. Every time I force myself to fold and put away another pile of clothes...or even more difficult, teaching my kids to do it I am learning a little bit about strengthening my will power, to do what I don't want to at that moment. I am learning to endure and be patient for the results. Wait...isn't that called faith?

I am seeing a trend!

I have found, chances are very high that after I ask or tell one of my kids to do something they don't want to do they will somehow hurt themselves, "accidentally" they say. Somehow they become surprisingly clumsy. Stubbed toes, tripping, slipping, running into wall, falling down a few stairs on their bum. Perhaps it comes with the tantrum they are thowing or shuffling away in frustration leads to more stubbed toes. I have such split feelings when they get hurt like this because it happens at such opportune times SO OFTEN!

I really have to wonder if it is some kind of ploy to get out of doing the task required of them. At the same time they really are in pain, I don't think they are faking it. Thankfully it is never really serious so they end up doing the task anyway. That is why I think it isn't concious at least. They have never gotten out of their chores because of these accidents but they do get a few minutes more to recover and be comforted. Is it just my kids or do you notice this with your kids too?

Unsolicited Balloon Artists

The other day we were at Golden Corral with Tim's family. We were just eating our dinner when this guy comes up and says to our kids.. . . "Your still eating. . . I'll come back later." He does come back later and starts making balloon art for our kids. We thought that was cool. Then we saw on his shirt a button that says "I work for Tips, Thank you" I suppose we should have doene something to stop him or something but we didn't think of it and that would have just won us over with our kids. Thanks for putting us in an ackward situation. Tim and I looked at eachother in dispair when we made this realization at the same time. We had no cash and wouldn't know how much to give him if we did. Then Tim got up and left to get another plate.
It was good art and the kids really liked it. Tim's family was with us and the guy made something for our nephew too. Sooooo...if you don't have cash. . what do you do? The guy actually came back after leaving for a while...and just kind of lurked. . .I was the only adult who could see him sitting behind Tim and his Mom and Dad...so I just sat there cringing in my seat thinking, "What are we going to do?"
Tim's dad was our savior there and handed the guy a tip. The balloon guy excused his lurking behavior embarresed saying "I am just watching my work being enjoyed."
Tim suggested next time we go to Golden Corral that he wear a pin stating "I don't tip unsolicited Balloon Artists. Thank You"

Things I didn't do on my summer vacation

Ok...so noone cares about my successes . . . that is fine...noone likes a braggart. I can understand that and no hard feelings. I know what you are all waiting for. The failures of the summer and here you are:
1. I did not take my kids to the park even once a week. Two weeks in a row I managed to have a picnic in the park but that is about it.
2. I didn't manage to get out of bed before 10 am on most days
3. I didn't feed my kids any fancy breakfasts. Actually for a good percentage of the summer they didn't get any breakfasts. If my youngest can manage to make himself a honey sandwich I figure the kids can scrounge for themselves if I am still in bed. I often would get up and say."..ok time to get to work and do chores." My kids of course would say. . . "But we are hungry." They knew cereal was on the menu. They know how to get it...but they also know how it works. Play all morning til mom gets up...then when she says it is time for chores...THEN complain of hunger. NICE!
4. I did not read to my kids very much. Didn't go to the library weekly either.
5. Last summer I had a weekly movie with Mom. That didn't happen this summer. I don't know why. Just lazy.
6. I didn't make the kids go on a walk every day but usually they had t0 spend at least an hour outside. Not every day though
7. I didn't make the kids do workbooks every day.
8. I didn't do my "hour with mom" with each kid every week more than once this summer.
9. I didn't lose 10 lbs to reach my usual summer weight. I pretty much stayed at a weight I have never been at except when pregnant. NO. I am not pregnant
10. I did not help my kids make christmas presents so we wont be doing it all in December. We didn't even start. I planned on doing at least on craft a week. . Wow! Summer goes fast!!!!!
I guess I did do some good things though:
1. Started a great habbit of jogging and lifting weights every morning.
2. Taught the kids to do a lot of chores and had myself a great house cleaning team to help me out because of it.
3. Had a great vacation to Washington, that I feel good planning had a lot to do with.
4. Read some great books
5. Learned to love summer like never before.
6. Had some fun Girls nights/days out with friends
7. Had some good manicure/pedicure sessions with Elisabeth
8. Watched a lot of great magic tricks performed by Joe
9. Learned to live with cats.
10. Had a lot of fun with my In-laws
All things considered a great summer. I look forward to a great fall as well.

True Confessions: Part 2

I learned this week that there are some fast rides that I can actually enjoy. Spinning around appearently doesn't freak me out as much as the falling sensation. The confession part is that it was "The Amazon" at "Jungle Gyms" in Midvale if you know of which I speak. I bet this really couldn't be even classified as anything other than a children's ride and isn't anywhere as fast as a similar ride at the carnival. So. . ..that is about the speed of excitement I can handle I guess. I went on it 4 times! With my kids OF COURSE. . . .because. . they made me less scared :) You can practically see the white on my knuckles in the picture above. To my defense that picture was taken in the first few moments of the first time I rode the ride. I am such a wuss!

Updates. . if you care

I wrote a few blogs this summer that I wanted to talk about how they have been coming along...if you care
1. Square foot gardening: Then
Now

2. Working out: No "then" and "now" pictures here, sorry. I have lost a discouragingly low amount of weight...like 3 lbs I think. On the other hand as I remarked before I feel a lot stronger, have more endurance. I love feeling fit. In an earlier blog entry I complained I didn't know if I should get more pants in my skinny size or fat size? Now my skinny pants ARE my fat pants. So hooray! THAT is progress. For the first few months of working out I kind of just did it more to build the habbit...I didn't care how hard I worked as long as I was there. It wasn't all that fun because I wasn't seeing any real results and wasn't pushing myself at all. Then the last month, we decided to get up 15 minutes earlier so we could get a whole 1/2 hour of cardio and do weight lifting and that my friends has made all the difference. I am seeing results AND about the same time decided to put some running into my cardio and have increased the amount pretty steadily. Today I ran 25 minutes straight....30 total at 5.3mph. Not much to brag about but when I compare my progress I am thrilled. I find I am really enjoying it and my enthusiam about working out has returned. I am thinking of throwing away my scale.

3. Cats: Our kittens are doing very well. Last Tuesday they were neutered poor guys. They are as frisky and energetic as ever but they seem a little different. For one...Clouseau the orange and white one would try to make a break for it every time the door was opened...he hasn't even tried once since the surgery. I wonder if it just scared him to the outside so bad. We havn't had any potty accidents since the first week or two which I am very pleased by. I wont say I am totally in love with the idea of animals in the house...when I hear other people talk about being against it...I think...yeah I really am too. I am not a cat lover either. I do enjoy having them around, they are more fun and less trouble than I feared they would be. I think they are defintely easier than dogs. Except that one of my cats just came along just now and walked all over the key board while I was trying to type this. My only real annoyance with cats is having to keep doors closed. The doors to the outside and my bedroom at night. I just can't get past the idea of them walking all over my face at night. It hasn't happened yet...but I think it would freak me out if they did. Tim is annoyed with that but patient for now.